Sorting Gender / Introduction


© Li Sam Writing. All rights reserved.

In our society it’s easier for us to talk about sex, sexuality, and sexual orientation than it is to talk about gender. Maybe that’s because the media is full of sex and talk about people we can’t quite (or won’t admit) that we relate to. It’s easy to talk about sex when it applies to others, not us ordinary people. But the issue of gender is closer to us individually, something that we can’t personally deny or escape from.

It’s strange that this silence about gender seems even more apparent among LGBT activists whom one would think might be more open minded, but that’s not so. Instead, the gender issue is secretly sealed, labeled, and dismissed like a package never to be opened. However, that is what this chapter is going to do, to open that box and sort out what fears there are, if any.

Generally, when we do discuss gender it’s about differences and discrimination, but never what gender itself really is. We have long debated whether women and men should or do receive equal treatment and rights, but are those discussions based on a universally understood definition of gender? Do we even know what that is?

When we talk about individual identity, I guess we all know what that means: something like personality, and how that influences and is influenced by positive features about ourselves as well as weaknesses, and of course looks. But when you add gender to identity, the discussion gets much more complicated. Is that because a complex view of gender is somehow mixed up with morality (or at least social mores), or is it because exploring our own gender identities is getting too intimate, too close to the bare truth, even for our own inner comfort zones?

Nevertheless, gender and gender identity are vital to us; they affect us all the time. So, why don’t we talk about it; what are we afraid of: what’s in that box? How can we have a true understanding of this vital aspect of being human when we don’t discuss the subject with anyone? Are we merely assuming a bland, useless definition, making (labeling) things up? If so, is that working?

Another side of the issue is morality and phobia, as if gender is taboo, something we shouldn’t talk about. But truly, to me that doesn’t make sense. Shouldn’t we be fully aware of who we are—what complexities are involved in our gender—rather than afraid of knowing?

We take gender and gender identity so much for granted without knowing hardly anything about it. And why should we bother? Gender is just there, naturally, so what’s the problem? Is there a problem … ?

Well, actually there is, and the problem starts with people trying to make gender and gender identity into something it’s not, to support their agendas for other purposes, to gain ground and credibility. And I dare say that these people who use so-called gender identity for their own political gain are the gender-phobic ones, not the general public.

However, this chapter “Sorting Gender” aims to provide another understanding—another way to look at gender—continuing from the previous chapter, “Sorting Labels.” If sorting labels was difficult, will sorting gender be easier? Well, it depends on several issues. If we grab an attitude and hold to it tightly—where “morals” reign over the heart—and refer to how we want an understanding of gender to be, I don’t think this chapter will be any easier to grasp, perhaps quite the opposite. But, instead, if we let go and listen to our hearts the emotional way—rein in morals with the heart—most likely something else will emerge within us, guiding us to a better understanding.

I know that this chapter may sound like a lot of introspective theory, but I have done some research, and implementing these theories into practice the way I have has helped me manage my situation while changing gender, sorting out my messed-up emotions and easing my turmoil quite a lot. Oddly, this also has helped me to understand many other mysteries about life and our true selves, which is what the following chapters will discuss more closely.

The thing is that gender, and especially gender identity, is so much more than I ever imagined, and my thoughts and current understanding are what I would like to share with you here.

So please enjoy,

Li Sam